You're too nice

Happy Holidays to everyone!

We had a wonderful time over the season with friends, family and lots and lots of food!

Just today, my husband blurted out something that caught me off guard. He said,  “you’re too nice, too nice of a vegan.”  I asked him what he meant.

 He went on to explain how recently, when we were with friends sharing our holiday stories and events we attended, some made a point to direct their consumption of “the best steak”, pot roast, or whatever at me directly.  They seemed to derive great pleasure in telling me this as it was all done in fun.

I admit that I tend to take comments like this in stride even though my wonderful husband believes that I am more sensitive to many of the omnivores than they are towards me in this respect.      

I thought back on the evening in question. At the time, I did feel a bit annoyed, but I played along, not wanting to put a damper on the evening.  Now I have to admit, I do feel some sadness at the seemingly callous attitude many of my fellow believing(Christian) friends have towards animals. (well, farm animals anyway)

My husband thought that maybe I should have responded with the health and cruelty stats of a meat-centered diet.  But like I said, I didn’t want to put a damper on the evening.  He got me thinking though.   Am I too nice a vegan? 

I’ve written a bit about my journey to veganism in a previous post. How I was vegetarian for over 16 years and felt that was enough, not wanting to appear “extreme” or “militant” like those “crazy” vegans.  Now I am one.  And happily so.

But, I’ve also shared my distaste for conflict, even though I know that I have the ability to silence a room on this issue.  I did it once before, almost 20 years ago.

It was Christmas time and we were visiting family. Grandma, Grandpa, aunts, uncles, and cousins were there. But one granddad was not. He had recently suffered a heart attack.  I withstood teasing and joking about my vegetarianism for a couple of days. Some continued at the dinner table Christmas evening.  I’d had enough. I then lashed out with the stats on cancer, heart disease, etc and their link to the standard American, meat heavy diet.  Then, I went in for the kill and linked it back to how maybe our other grandpa could have been there with us that day if not for different lifestyle choices in terms of food.   Well, everyone shut up pretty quick, looks of guilt on their faces and no one teased me again for the rest of our visit.

Am I proud of how I responded? Yes and no. I have no regrets for standing up for myself and what I believed was important. I’m not proud of the fact that it took a couple of days of teasing before I finally spoke up. 

Should I have spoken up at our recent gathering of friends? Maybe.   But I am responding now.

Honestly, to hear anyone, my loved ones included wax on about the joys of consuming animals is not fun for me.  Ok, I hate it. Especially when it’s done with such “glee and delight” to somehow taunt me.   My reasons for abstaining from meat and now all animal products are for more than the health reasons I had for many years. But also for basic compassion and care for God’s creatures. Yes, the Bible seems to allow for meat eating. It also allows for the consumption of beetles and locusts.

No one I know is giddy about eating those.  

I wonder if I were a kosher observant Jew or Hindu vegetarian, or pork eschewing Muslim, would the omnivores in my life jokingly throw their meat eating adventures my way for sport?  I doubt it.   It often seems that those of us that are vegans or vegetarians by choice without a necessarily religious background attached to it, are fair game to poke fun at.

Have a blessed and happy New Year and here’s to speaking up sooner and more often for what you believe and for those who have no voice!

One final thought.  If you’re vegan or vegetarian, and you receive negative feedback or “good natured” ribbing from your loved ones, how do you respond?  Maybe you’re quicker on your feet with a witty comeback than I am. (like my dear husband is. Lol)  Or do you stew about it for a while then whip it out in a blog post? :-) 

Can we just change the subject?

I know it's been a couple of months since my last post. Life's busy and at times I get distracted.
Rest assured that I am working on part 2 of my last post on my brand of animal rights "activism".
But here is another issue that I feel is related in some way.  Let me know what you think.


So, there's something you should know about me. I hate confrontation. I mean really.  In fact, I avoid it like the plague.

It’s so much easier to have nice, non-threatening conversations that never become tense or uncomfortable.

But I still manage to have plenty of disagreements and debates, only they take place in my head and always hours or days after my human companions have left the scene.

One topic that seems to always be at the heart of these discussions(ok, arguments) is the treatment and consumption of animals.  Among my friends(both inside and outside the Church) and family, I’m the minority in terms of my diet and lifestyle, which is primarily vegan.

When it comes up, I’m often met with comments such as “wow, that must be so hard, I could never do that.” Or, “sounds great for you, but I could never give up meat and/or cheese.”  And of course my personal favorite, the classic, “but where do you get your protein?" (or iron? calcium? fill in the blank) 

It always amazes me when those who probably never gave much thought to dietary theories before, suddenly become nutritional experts when encountered  with someone who chooses not to consume animals or their secretions.(ie. dairy products and eggs)

But I digress.

I became inspired to write this post after years of conversations with those I care about that always seemed to fall flat when certain words appeared in the same sentence. You know, words like animals, suffering, torture, death. 

But it was one recent conversation in particular that especially touched my heart.

I have a dear friend, a fellow Christian who passionately opposes hunting.  I believe like she does that these poor animals are Gods' creatures and we have no business taking their lives without good reason. (like self-defense)

But during one of our discussions on this issue, I casually mentioned that animals in the factory farm system suffer a great deal more before their deaths than those that live in the wild.  At least they get to live a life of freedom until they meet the end of a hunters bullet. That went over well..  Then, when my friend talked of her love of cheese, I gently commented that the dairy industry in fact fuels the veal industry, and is a cruel system throughout.

That bit of information was too much for her to handle and she responded with "can we just change the subject?"
I admit I was frustrated. Here was someone that clearly has a love for animals and yet was not ready to acknowledge that her appetite may be contributing to more animal cruelty and suffering than the hunters she so righteously condemned.  

But as I mentioned earlier, this was not the only time a friend of mine that shares my faith appeared to be sticking virtual fingers in their ears when faced with the ugly realities of industrial farming.
But I'm not judging. I was a vegetarian for 17 years before I allowed myself to see and hear the truth of what the agricultural industry wanted (with good reason) to keep hidden from public view.

It's a hard pill to swallow. And lets face it. Cheese and meat taste good. (from what I remember)
And they have dare I say it, an addictive quality to them.  More about that in a future post.
So I can understand my good friends' discomfort with what I was trying to get across to her, in what I thought was a gentle, non-threatening way.  I guess when a person is in such a state of denial, any information that bursts the happy bubble they've created in their minds  to better deal with the reality they'd rather not see, comes across as simply too much to handle, and therefore an affront to what they hold dear.

See why I hate confrontation?  It's no fun and it can make people feel bad. People I love.
But the truth is the truth and even though it's difficult to face, I feel compelled to share it however I can.
Usually, it's when I'm asked a direct question about the reasons I eat the way that I do.
I will often preface my answer with "do you really want to know?  Then when I receive the ok, I tell them why.
But I find that I still soften the blow quite a bit.  Remember my friends' reaction above?

I think most of us would rather not know all the gory details of how many of our personal choices and appetites are really not so personal after all.